I’ve been having lots of bad days recently. It’s silly, when writing about the Central African Republic, or getting updates on the trial of Rania Mamoun, who, after being detained in a Sudanese prison, pronounced herself stronger, to stop and write about this. I’m just hoping taking this break will snap me out of things.

I can’t explain it when it happens, but every like, 10 minutes I get another wave of awful sadness and despair. Does this happen to everyone? Right now, I just feel so tired of trying to work through it. I just want to give up and lay in bed. Sleeping or zoning out to a TV show can make these painful waves feel less intense – but if I did that every time I had days like this, I’d be in bed at least 3 days a week.

When I feel like this, I don’t know what the solution is or what the future has in store for me. When I was in the hospital last year, it seemed like some people there were just permanently sick, and floated from hospital to hospital, treatment center to treatment center. I don’t see myself doing that, but almost every day the idea that I could be a totally upright adult for a sustained period of time seems impossible.

Does everyone go through stuff like this? I wish I could write about it more eloquently.


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